Wednesday's Something I have never done before...leaving her alone!

I think I hit a milestone. I did one of the hardest things I have ever done as a mom. I left Anna Beth alone at a birthday party all by herself. The birthday girl lived on our street, just 2 doors down. I went with Lydia and Anna and I stayed for about 15 minutes to make sure she was going to be ok. I helped her find her nameplate "Princess Anna Beth" and put the straw in her juice box. This was the first time she had been in their home. I don't know that much about the family, but we see them at every outreach that our church does in this community and they are super friendly. Their daughter is just 9 months older than AB.

Once they were eating, the mom started telling all the girls what they were going to be doing. She said, "When you finish eating, we will go downstairs and play a game with a donkey and tails." Anna Beth, excitedly yelled into the living room where I was, "Mommy, we get to play a game with donkey and tails!!!." Then the birthday girl's mom said, and then we have a donut game we will play." Anna Beth, more excited then she was about the donkey, yelled into the living room again, "Mommy we get donuts!!"

The other girls were not yelling back into the room at their moms. The party was from 12:00-3:00. I could not let her do this for 3 hours. She needed to experience this on her own, share her excitement with the little girls her age, not just me. I needed her to be independent. This was her first party without her church friends or her LMNOP friends. This was her big moment and I couldn't have her not experience it fully. So, I told the mom I was going to go home and would be back later to pick her up. I am not sure what the etiquette is, I am not sure she knew either. I told AB I would be right back and she could have cared less.

I went home, set Lydia down and sat on the couch and teared up. Should I have stayed? I did see a crucifix in their living room. They are good people. She is only 3. What if she has to go potty? She can do it all by herself, but she still relies on me to wipe. Who would wipe her? Oh, goodness, I should go back. But I can't go back, I told them I had to go home. Dustin, working from home that day, assured me she would be fine and I could go back early and he even said he would watch Lydia for me so I could have both hands.

I went back around 2:00. The party officially had another hour. She was fine. When I walked in the door, she was helping the birthday girl open her presents. I looked in the pile of opened gifts. Ours was there. Did they like it? Was the birthday girl gracious and make AB feel good for giving it to her or was it dismissed and set down quickly? Did AB notice either way? I realized there, I cannot project my insecurities of what people think onto my innocent 3 year old. She was so happy to be there. I caught myself telling her to back up a little and let the other girls help open the presents but then I realized, I can't be so hard on her. SHE IS 3!!! I had a cup of tea and cupcakes with the other moms and finally felt myself relax!

I am learning. Learning to let go. Wow this is so hard! God please give me wisdom. I don't want to screw this all up. Man, it is hard!