Who am I?

I do not know who I am. I mean...I know who I am but I do not know WHO I AM. I start having these thoughts every year around my birthday when people ask what I want to do for that day. I think that how you celebrate your birthday says a lot about who you are. And for the past gazillion birthdays, I always feel a little let down and unhappy with the way I chose to celebrate it. Last year, all I wanted for my birthday was the perfect day. I took the day off of work, had my house cleaned, got my nails and hair done, had a massage, and then wanted to go out for dinner. The cleaners did a crappy job, I smudged my nails, the hair lady had a bad attitude and I was cold during the whole massage. By the time I was ready to go to dinner, the baby was already ready for bed...so we just ordered in and went to bed.

This year I know that I want to focus relationships. Last year a day by myself was far from perfect.

I need to know who I am. This year I want to explore and find out more about myself. I hate museums. I hate poetry. I love getting messy. I love to go barefoot. My goal is that in a year and 20 days (my 30th birthday) I will know who I am. There will be a lot of experimenting and trials and list making but I will know who I am. And the sooner I know who I am, the sooner I will be able to relax and be who I am. (not sure if that makes sense or not but it totally makes sense to me)

Another thing that has come up since I am a year away from 30 is if I should be working on a list of things I want to do before I turn 30 and my dear BFF Su was so wise to point out to me that I really should make a list of things that I have already done before I turn 30. That was very encouraging. I am a very successful person and have accomplished many things. I do not need to live in regret or in fear of not living a good enough life. I think I will make both lists.

Just some ramblings that I need to get out of my head before I start my week at a j0b that I no longer like....maybe that is something to add to the list.

Happy Monday!