the cost of humility....$100 in cash

So this morning I learned a valuable lesson at the expense of everyone in my house...sorry AB, Dustin and Zuzka.

A few months ago, Dustin and I were given $200 cash by someone because they said that God told them to give it to us. That money could not have come at a better time. We were trying to save up the earnest money for our house and Dustin had put us on a spending freeze. It was a couple of days before we were going to be paid and we just needed something to hold us over for the 3 basics…diapers, wipes and milk. That money was a true God-send. On the outside of the envelope I wrote two things. “God will provide” and “He makes a way.” I want those two truths to be remembered always by anyone who opens the envelope! It always makes me pause and thank Him for coming through.

From that day forward, we decided to make a rule…we will always keep $200 cash on hand and if we need to use something…for a necessity…NOT for bagel money or something else frivolous…we will replace it the next payday so that we will always have the $200 base.

Fast forward to yesterday….we are trying to pay the tuition for Zuzka and other new homeowner expenses that just pop up and Dustin put us on a spending freeze again and we would just rely on the emergency fund till Friday. He had to use about $100 for new locks and keys for the new house and some caulk to seal up some air leaks. He told me that there was $100 left and I could use it for groceries.

This is where my lesson begins…He said that he handed me the envelope. I remember him not handing it to me but rather placing it on top of the yellow dresser. So this morning, on my way out the door, I went to grab the cash so that I could stop on the way home. Grocery shopping is so much easier with out a baby. I looked everywhere and I couldn’t find the envelope. I asked Dustin and he insisted that he handed it to me and I insisted that he didn’t. I looked on top of the yellow dresser, in his coat pockets, his jeans pockets, my pants pockets, my purse and the diaper bag. The envelope was NO WHERE to be found.

Poor Zuzka sat on the couch as I made snide remarks like, “Anna we will get you some more milk as soon as mommy finds the grocery money” and Dustin calmly told me I need to work on my memory which made me say more snide remarks like, “IF I find the money, I will admit I am wrong and apologize for this…implying that if HE found the money he had better do the same”! It was way too much conversation for 7:45 in the morning, even if the words weren’t stressed or tense words, it was just way too much.

I was really stressed. If I didn’t get that $100 back then there wouldn’t be any groceries until Friday and Anna only had one and a half sippy cups worth of milk left.

As I got in the car, I prayed that the Holy Spirit would show me where the envelope was.

Immediately, my mind went to last night’s leadership and logistics meeting. Usually they are at our house but due to the move, this one was at Fidelis’ house. Anna was way out of character and was just being busy and cranky. She had emptied her diaper bag and I put everything back in, but maybe I missed something, so I text Fidelis and asked him when he got home from work if he could just look under his couch for a small white envelope with some writing on the outside and $100 cash inside. He called me back within 5 minutes. I thought he was already at work so was thrilled when he told me he was at home. I was on the phone with him as he began looking for the envelope. The next thing that happened was he leaned down and said he had found something and on the outside of it there was writing that said “God will provide” and “He makes a way.” Just to hear someone say those two truths out loud made my heart sink. #1 God will provide and make a way but #2 how could I be so stress and so ugly about such a small issue that DUH! God will provide and make away! I quickly thanked him for finding it and arranged the time I would pick it up and called Dustin to apologize. Of course he didn’t answer. I wouldn’t have answered me either. I called Zuzka and she answered. I apologized to her and then asked if she could give the phone to Dustin. I apologized to him as well.

I really need to find a way to deal with this stress that I am experiencing. I really need to find a way to channel my frustrations. Tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. I just hope I can still salvage today.