Why so long since I wrote?

I have no idea. I am so hard on myself. I need everything to be perfect. Who cares if it is perfect? My ideal day would include the following:

• a blog entry into adayinthelifeoflor
• a blog entry into livinglighteronethingatatime
• organizing coupons
• entering my reward points (coke, pampers, huggies, etc.)
• straightening my house
• getting my inbox to zero
• knocking out projects for tapestry
• work diligently on getting my house completely organized and cleaned so it looks like a pottery barn magazine...yeah right.
• sending correspondence to friends and family on fancy stationary
• reading chapters and chapters of the Bible
• spending hours in prayer and worship
• read a novel
• read a non-fiction book
• write my book
• prepare for Sunday School lessons
• cooking fancy dinners that impress everyone
• pop over at someones house in our church and surprise them with a loaf of fresh made bread

I know it is silly but I feel defeated everyday and get to a dark place. I was thinking about this blog in particular today...a day in the life of Lor is nothing more than me blogging about my day. I do not need a fancy idea or concept before I can write. I am going to start just doing more snippets of my day...not for you, not for me, but for my girls...this is for them. For them to treasure, for them to laugh at, for them to devour when they are 31 with 2 kids wondering what the heck to do. I love you Anna Beth. I love you Lydia! Please know this, all my insanity and striving and searching...its for you. I want to be the best Mom you can have. Dear Jesus, please keep teaching me.

I do this every year: my pre-Birthday post

Two years ago it was a quest to have the most perfect day all to myself

Last year was a strive to have better relationships

This year.....fingers tapping....hmmm, off the top of my head, I just want to be better.

I want to be a better cook.

I want to be a better housekeeper.

I want to be a better homemaker.

I want to be a better mom.

I want to be a better wife.

I want to be a better friend.

I want to be a better pastor's wife. (Lord help us all, we know I am not good at that.)

I want to be a better LMNOP person.

I want to be a better listener.

I want to be a better encourager.

I want to be a better corresponder.

I want to be a better keeping the car cleaned out person.

I want to be a better organizer.

I want to be a better reader.

I want to be a better writer.

Am I horrible in all these areas? Heck no!

Am I great in all these areas? Heck no!

Will I ever meet my own standards? Heck no!

Will I write a post like this next year a few weeks before my birthday? Heck yes!

This is who I am. No sense in denying it!

Not bragging, just making a mark so I can come back to this moment

In no way am I bragging or boasting or anything close...I just have to mark this day so that I can come back here and be encouraged.

This Saturday I will have been married for 11 years to a pretty amazing guy.

I no longer have to work at my past job that was filled with such negativity and at times was hostile.

I am about to have a birthday this month and do not mind getting older.

I am a business owner.

I get to stay home with my 2 daughters.

I have 2 daughters.

We have a nice home.

My husband has a nice job.

We have a great church that is only getting greater.

I live in a place where we get snow.

I can wear pre-pregnancy jeans.

My husband loves me.

I do not need anything.

God hears my prayers and knows my heart.

I have 2 arms and 2 legs.

I have good friendships.

I know Jesus.

We get a family vacation in September and it is almost completely paid for.

My husband trusts me.

today I sit here humbled by thankfulness.

A great beginning to a life long journey

Dustin and I have always openly talked about what it means to have Jesus in your heart and she has always made comments like He can be in our hearts but she doesn't want Him in hers yet or she will tell me that Jesus is in my heart but the color green is in hers. Obviously she is young and we do not want to push it, we just continue to make it part of our conversations.

One thing that we do is pray over our children each day and one of the main things we pray is that "one day she will choose you (Jesus)".

Imagine my excitement when this Sunday, before church started, AB hollered across the sanctuary to me that Jesus was in her heart. I asked her how he got there and she said all by himself. I said, wow that is great, let's tell Poppy!

I sat back as she walked up to him. Of course he was busy setting up the sound system and making sure everything was all set for the service that was to start in 30 minutes. "Poppy, Jesus is in my heart". You could see the exact moment it registered in his brain. He dropped everything and took her behind stage. I of course made my way back there with them. He grilled her with a million questions and explained to her what it means to have Jesus in her heart. The coolest part was when she interrupted him and she explained parts of it to him. He explained that when Jesus is in her heart, he is her Lord and Savior and he protects her...she said and Poppy it also means that he is my friend.

We closed the little time with a precious prayer that she repeated. Was this real? Does this count? She is 3. Can a 3 year old really know what they are doing? Everyone will ask these questions, but you know what, who cares? What a precious precious day in our family! What a precious moment that Anna Elizabeth had. She wanted to connect with Jesus.

I will never forget Sunday, January 30th, 2011 at 10:30am. What a great beginning to a life long journey of knowing him! Congratulations Anna Beth!

Lyds is all grown up

During our big storm this last week, Lydia decided to grow up. Within a 2 day span, she grew 2 teeth, fed herself little puffs, sat all by herself and crawled/scooted backwards. I am happy for my children to progress, but oh I miss the baby baby phase.

Time for another one I guess!

1/23/11 turned 6 months

1/28/11 2 bottom teeth popped thru

1/29/11 feed self, sit up, crawl backwards

Where does this stuff come from? Should I be proud or sad that she is so grown?

So a couple weeks ago, our dear darling 3 year old Anna Beth PROUDLY announced to us that she can burp her ABCs and the proceeded to show us so. Holy Cow! Where did she get this from? None of her little friends do this. She does not watch TV. The movies she watches are of course preview by us. Where in the world did she learn this?

Yesterday, my dad had to fly to TX for work. We said good bye to him and looked at the map to see where he was flying. I then said we should call MeMaw cause she will be sad that she is all alone. What does she say on the voice mail? "Memaw, do not be afraid...Jesus is with you".

Then, just today, just 30 minutes ago, as I am getting her ready for her afternoon nap she had an owwie on her finger. "Mommy, look, I can kiss my own owwies now. I do not need you to. " And then as if she were rubbing in in my face, she kissed and kissed and kissed her finger. Of course I told her that her kisses were for my owwies and mine for hers and mine were better. She laughed and continued to kiss her own finger again. The conversation ended with me tickling her all the way to her bed. I think deep down she loves my kisses but is loving the discovery of independence too.

This is such a fun stage, I want to say most fun yet, however I have said that about all the others too. All I want to do is squeeze her so tight and never let her go. There is not a day goes by that we do not smother each other with kisses!

Things heard while getting ready for Christmas

Dustin: (in a stern warning voice) Anna Beth, Santa Clause is watching you.

AB: (in her very excited voice) I KNOW! AND JESUS IS TOO!

AB: Does Santa have a car?

Mommy: Nope, remember he has a sleigh

AB: Well I am going to pray that he has a car. Dear Jesus, please give Santa a car. In Jesus name Amen.